


Never Loved You

by Wolfcry22



Series: Shame [22]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Dean Winchester, Angry Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Drunk John Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Overprotective Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27761743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: Once Dean witnesses John attack Sam, he can’t help but share some hard truths with him to let him know just how much he has failed (Based on a scene from the TV show Shameless)
Series: Shame [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883236
Kudos: 43





	Never Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve done this scene two times before, but it is my favorite scene in all of TV and I can’t help doing this scene in anyway that I possibly can. This will be another rendition of Dean standing up to John as Frank stood up to Fiona about Monica. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Warning for strong language, mentions of abuse and trauma, violence, and other possibly triggering themes.

Dean sat back in the Impala, gaze staring ahead through the windshield in front of him. The windshield wipers were going steady despite the fact that it had stopped raining almost twenty minutes ago. However, Dean wasn’t the one in the driver’s seat so he couldn’t make the call. He had learned long ago that it was best not to scrutinize anything about his father, especially anything to do with how he drove.

Sam sat in the back, hand sprawled against his knees. He had gotten scratched deep due to a vampire, but he had learned long ago not to complain when it came to injuries when their dad was near. If it was just him and his brother, then it was fine, but anytime John was around there was no complaining. Besides, he had been through much worse than a cut hand. Hell, they all had.

Suddenly, John swung the door open and headed toward their motel room. Dean and Sam quickly exchanged a glance until Sam finally realized what John was doing.

“Fuck! No, John!” Sam unlocked the door and kicked it the rest of the way open. He rushed out with Dean doing the same only a pace behind Sam.

Dean let out a low growl. “John.”

The two brothers rushed into the room to already find John overturning Sam’s bed and throwing sheets, pillows, and the covers every which way around the room. He then turned to Sam’s duffle and continued to rifle through it with feverish intensity. 

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and gave his head a defeated shake. “Fucking Dad.”

“Damnit it, Dad,” Sam huffed under his breath. 

John’s head snapped upward, eyes boring into Sam. “Where is it,” he seethed. His voice was an octave lower than usual and took on a dangerous aspect to it. 

“I hid it,” answered Sam defiantly. There were few times that he would actually stand up to his father, but this was certainly one of them. He was tired of getting into pissing contests with him over small things. This was going to be the fight to end all fights as far as Sam was concerned and nothing was going to stop him from saying what he needed to say.

“Where the hell is it,” John continued, curling his right hand into a furious fist at his side.

“We’re not going to give you the Colt just for you to go on another suicide mission that’s going to get Sam and I killed too,” Dean flashed. His tone was slightly calmer than Sam’s, but barely. 

John took a step forward in front of Dean. He still towered over his eldest son, but just barely. “Give me the fucking Colt,” he roared.

Sam took a step forward so that he was crowding around John to pull his attention away from Dean. “Or what,” he questioned.

Suddenly, John reached forward and grabbed Sam by the throat. Sam was momentarily stunned and his body went rigid. John gripped tighter, feeling Sam’s windpipe constrict under him until Sam let out a choked, wheezing breath. Sam’s hands shot up and his nails dug into John’s flesh, skin growing slick thanks to the blood that still flowed from Sam’s injured hand.

Dean leapt into action and went for John’s middle so that he would let go of Sam. “Fucking stop it!” Dean ripped John from Sam and thrust him on the bed with the slanted mattress. The two of them went rolling in an attempt to gain the upper hand until Dean was finally able to use his rippling strength to his advantage and haul John from the bed and slam him hard into the wall.

Picture frames that had been hung on the main wall trembled before falling from their nails entirely. The lamp was kicked aside and the nightstand overturned as Dean fought to keep his forearm shoved against his father’s throat and his other hand holding John’s wrists over his head. John’s chest rose and fell manically with forced breath while his bloodshot eyes struggled to lock on Dean. 

Sam took a step forward and clocked John on the jaw with enough force to knock his head against the wall. Sam’s teeth were bared in an almost snarl, shoulders quaking with each breath. Adrenaline rushed through him just like as if he was on a hunt. Yet, he wasn’t. Instead he was going toe to toe with the man that was supposed to protect him through everything. Unfortunately that had never been the case.

While Sam glared at their father, Dean leaned forward to whisper against John’s ear, arms still tight on John so that he couldn’t wriggle free. “Get the fuck outa here.”

Dean drew back and rushed to Sam’s side in case John decided to retaliate. He put himself in front of Sam with one hand outstretched toward John. Their father glanced between the two brothers before storming out of the room and past his sons, but not before snapping his shoulder against Dean’s shoulder. Ordinarily Dean may not have reacted, but now wasn’t one of those times.

He rushed after John and out of the motel room, watching as John let out a shout and kicked at the ground. It was such an impatient thing for John to do that Dean couldn’t believe his father had done something so childish. 

“What the fuck was that,” Dean questioned harshly. 

“It’s not yours, Dean,” replied John as he spun to face the young hunter with a fire brimming in his smoky gaze.

Dean tilted his head a beat to the side. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“That thing is going to help me avenge your mother. Do you not understand that?!” The vein on John’s temple pulsed with fury that would rival any creature that they had ever hunted. Dean would’ve rather faced anything else than John at the moment, but here they were.

“Geez.” Dean gnawed on his bottom lip until he tasted blood. “This isn’t about Mom. This is about you.”

“You don’t know anything about me or what I’ve done to kill that son of a bitch. Hell, I’ve done everything I’ve done to keep you and Sam safe.”

“Safe? Safe? You call this safe?” Dean spun in a tight circle with his hands lifted to point at everything around them. “We’re in a motel in the middle of Delaware in winter. Do you really think that this is safe? This entire ‘life’ you’ve forced on Sam and I is not safe in the slightest. We hunt things that want to either kill or eat us. Who wants that life for their kids unless they hate them?” 

“You don’t know anything about me,” John flashed.

Dean’s eyes widened in shock. “How could I? You were never here.”

“I had other things that I needed to deal with that you will never be able to understand.” John threw a hand in Dean’s direction to enunciate his point while his eyes glowed in rage.

“You deserted us.”

“I loved you and Sam!”

Dean glowered in hatred. “That was love?”

“Yes, yes, it is.”

“Okay, why did you leave? Huh, why did you leave and then drink like it was fucking going out of style?”

John grounded his teeth together in frustration, bristling fiercely. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“If you loved us so much, why weren’t you here?” Dean couldn’t understand how his father wasn’t getting this through his thick skull. It wasn’t difficult to understand and yet they were still having the same argument.

“I tried. I always tried—“

“You weren’t here! You were never fucking here!”

“I was out trying to make things better for you and Sam. I had to make sure—“

“You left! You were gone! I was four.....four and taking care of you....taking care of all of us. I was in kindergarten, nursing your hangovers and watching over Sam as though he was my own. I was here when Sam was sick. I was the one that Sam came to ask for advice on girls. Not you......me!” Dean curled his top lip in clear hatred. “And even when you were here you were always fucking drunk.”

John breathed heavily, averting his gaze from his eldest and taking a step backwards as though that would save him from Dean’s bitter words. However, Dean wasn’t finished yet.

“You were an abusive asshole and a drunk.”

“Enough,” spat john as he took another step back and crouched on the pavement as though the conversation had already worn him out on account of him actually being sober. 

“You never loved me.” Dean crouched in front of his father with tears shinning in his eyes. The emotion choked him like a thick cloud when he spoke, yet there was more clarity than Dean had ever felt in his entire life. “I never loved you. You never gave a shit about anyone but yourself.” 

John flinched as though Dean had aimed a blow right for him. It was as though he had no idea how to react due to the brutal truth of what his son had just sad. “Please,” John begged.

Dean straightened with his shoulders back and indifference showing through every crease on his face. “I can’t wait until you die. At least then you won’t be able to fuck us over anymore!”

While John still sat on the cold pavement, Dean turned and gazed back at the open door of their motel where Sam was waiting with an almost horrified look on his face. Dean could tell that it wasn’t what he had actually said to John—both brothers felt absolutely the same way when it came to their drunkard of a father—it was the simple fact that he had actually said to John what was on his mind. There was a time when Dean would’ve let it slide. Unfortunately now wasn’t the time to keep it bottled up.

“C’mon, Sammy,” Dean instructed as he shooed his brother inside. He was quick to lock the door behind him, making sure that there would be no way for John to force his way in.

Sam blinked his big brown eyes to his brother. His mouth opened slightly to speak, only to close when he realized he had nothing to say on the matter. There was nothing that he could possibly tell his brother that would make any of this sting any less.

Dean sprang into big brother mode and motioned for Sam to come and sit beside him on the bed. “Let me see that throat of yours and see how bad he got ya.”

Sam wasn’t about to refuse. He obediently tipped his head back, exposing his open throat for Dean to inspect. Sam visibly winced when Dean pressed two fingers on each tender area where John’s hands had latched on. 

“Hmmm, you’re definitely going to have a bruise there, but at least it just seems to be on the outside and didn’t damage your windpipe or vocal cords from what I can tell. You’re lucky.” Dean realized the absurdity of his comment that Sam would be lucky in anyway. They had John as a father and hunted supernatural creatures for a living. How anyone would find that lucky, Dean wasn’t sure. 

Sam pulled away from Dean’s fingers and dropped his gaze to the floor. “Think it’ll be noticeable?”

“Naw, not much,” Dean lied quickly.

Sam saw straight through it, but offered Dean a smile all the same. “Liar.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Dean grinned while Sam shook his head while attempting not to crack a smile, failing miserably. It didn’t last long when what happened seemed to run through Sam’s mind once again.

“Did you really mean all that you said to Dad,” Sam questioned after a moment.

Dean began to toe off his boots while he answered. “Yeah, meant every word. I just wasn’t brave enough to say something until now.”

Sam nodded slowly. “I wish I would’ve been brave enough to say something to him.”

“There’s plenty of time. John is like a parasite, once you think you got rid of him he comes back. Not even a kick in the ass is going to keep him away. He’s like a leech that needs to feed on our food and money. If it knew a way to burn him off then I would. Unfortunately I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“Fucking John,” Sam grumbled.

Dean couldn’t help but nod in agreement as he leaned back on the bed once he had kicked his shoes off. “Fucking John,” he echoed.

The bed began to dip as Sam crawled up beside his brother. He tucked a pillow under his head and sighed heavily, shoulders slumping while he rolled to face his brother. There was a perfectly good bed beside him, but at the moment he wanted to be as close to Dean as he could. Dean offered protection and peace that Sam had never experienced without him.

“Are we going to be okay, Dean?”

“Like in general or with Dad?” Either way Dean didn’t have a good answer for Sam. He wanted to reassure him, but Dean feared that he may be lying to Sam if he wholeheartedly told him that everything was going to be okay, because he feared that it wouldn’t. 

Sam shrugged. “I guess either way.”

Dean rolled back onto his shoulder so that he could face his little brother. “I don’t know for certain, but I promise I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that you’re okay. I won’t let anything happen to you, especially not at the hands of our asshole for a father. I promise.”

Sam wanted to believe Dean, and he knew that Dean would never lie to him. However, John was crafty and manipulative. If he wanted to do something, then he would find a way to do so. That didn’t mean that Dean had to make it easy for him though.

“Okay, well, that was enough excitement for one day. You get some rest and we’ll deal with this in the morning.” Dean grunted as he swung himself up and out of the bed only to collapse in the bed a couple steps away from him. He groaned as he pulled his pillow under him and held it close as he shoved his head against it, moaning softly. 

“Dean?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Thanks.”

“For what, Sammy?”

“For being you.”

Dean tilted his head and lifted up on his elbows to glance at Sam. “You never have to thank me for that, kiddo. I would do everything that I’ve ever done for you in a heartbeat. Okay, Sam? Sam?”

Soft snores rose up from the bed and it only took Dean a moment to realize that Sam was already asleep and snoring on the bed beside him. A wiry smile played on Dean’s lips as he lowered back down on the bed and began to close his eyes, finally able to sleep knowing that Sam was safe and not even their father could shatter the peace.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that you guys enjoyed this installment and are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
